Black and White

This story was in the first part of the book I am reading - I read it and started crying, someone has put into words how I have been feeling for the past 6 years...

She then explained in detail how her relationship with her son seemed lost, ruined, and possibly even irreparable. This is what she had lost or was in the process of losing: her bond with her first child, the natural reciprocal love between parent and offspring, the foundation on which all of the rest of successful and fulfilling parenting truly depends.

The loss she was describing is so deeply embedded in family life that it is rarely articulated even when it is happening. It is a loss that may be exceeded only by the real loss of a child through death. The relationship she was losing is the dynamic that truly drives all parent-child interactions and all actions by parents on behalf of their families

She could not see what meaningful future lay before her without the love and friendship of her child,

Something is clearly wrong with your child's behavior. He* is losing precious parts of his childhood, and you feel frustrated and confused about what is causing this to happen and what to do about it. Your child is not at peace within the dynamics of your family. There is much daily conflict over chores, homework, relations with siblings, and behavior at school or in the neighborhood.

And more painful than all of this is that you sense-as only a parent can-that your child is not at peace with himself. He is gradually becoming aware that he is not what he wants to be, cannot control as well as others what he knows he should do, cannot make himself into the child he somehow knows you wish he could be. He discourages you, dissatisfies others, and disappoints himself, and at some primitive level of awareness, he has come to know it.

The last 6 years of Preston's sweet life have been such a challenge on me. I have felt so under qualified and impatient for his challenge. I am so grateful now to understand more what he is going through - How much I love him and finally know that we can repair all the damage done.